Hic Sunt Lupi... Domestici
Posted on Mon Jul 11th, 2022 @ 5:28am by Nathaniel Cunningham
Mission:
Prequel - Or How We Met
Location: Brolesque - 2nd Ave North
"Are they all here?" asked the deceptively young-looking Nathaniel Cunningham surveying the hopefuls sitting in the main area of his establishment. There were 5 seated, which worried him slightly since he was looking to hire exactly that many to handle the extended sets for CMA fest. Sure, all the guys would come in and pick up the extra if necessary, but if he could get 5 extras in he could add himself, the emcee, and the dance director along with them and give everyone a normal load. If it worked out, they'd even possibly be able to keep running all night on a more permanent basis. He looked over at said dance director and waited for an answer.
"Yep," replied the director, Kyle. The late 20s human man had been a performer just a couple of years prior when Jim had first taken over the place. Much like him, he also still performed from time to time, though Kyle only danced whereas Jim would sometimes provide his own vocals as well. "We had a couple more maybes, but these are the ones who didn't come off as one-trick ponies. They were able to pick up the choreography yesterday and had something else to audition with. If anyone of them washes out I kept the names of the guys who couldn't do anything but dance."
"Good. Is Little Jimmy backstage already?"
"Yeah, you ready to go scare them before we get down to business."
A few minutes later, the lights in the room went down and the chatter amongst the new employees died out as music came up as the three older men waited at the side of the stage for the opening strands of "Do You Really Want to Taste It to play out for them to dance onto stage imitating the stiff choreography of the Peacemaker opening, with Kyle taking the front lead, using stetsons in place of weapons, and popping the buttons of their shirts on the gunshot ending the piece instead of leading into the second round.
Giving a few moments for the gathered gentlemen to recover, Jim, Kyle and Little Jimmy walked to the edge of the stage and sat down. "Good morning, gentlemen," Jim said. "I apologize for not being able to see anyone's auditions over the last two days. I'm Nathaniel Cunningham, but y'all can call me Jim," he continued, satisfied to see that no one looked like they were ready to piss themselves at least. "I own this joint, and y'all have already met Little Jimmy and Kyle, but just to remind you Little Jimmy is our stage master and emcee and Kyle is our dance director. There's some other folk for y'all to meet after lunch, but for now remember that Jimmy controls who's on stage, when, and for how long, Kyle creates group routines and approves and will help you with your solo acts, and I sign your paychecks. Questions?"
A slimmer man with shaggy hair from the back raised a hand. "Just one. You said you sign our paychecks? What's that mean? Don't we pay you to perform on stage?"
Jim smiled. "Experience in other clubs? We're a burlesque show. While we take our clothes off, we're legally classified as a theater performance and you're all actors, not strippers. I don't even pretend to understand the abuse of the English language the lawyers are perpetuating, but short story is as actors, you're employees, not contractors. As an added bonus, that means you do not need a license either. But, since we're on the subject, that also means there are some other differences in rules and practices because of how we operate. I pay performers a flat $26.50 an hour, and you'll get benefits if you top 35 hours a week, which is negotiable after your first month with us. On the flip side you have two choices for tips: you can keep 20% of whatever you actually take in and split out the rest with security, the hosts, the DJ, and your stage crew, or you can give them to the house as a buy-in to our co-op and receive shares of our operating profit when I close the books each quarter. Anything else?"
Emboldened, a different person spoke up. "Yeah, can I ask why y'all are dressed the same way you told us to? I can kind of see it for Kyle since I'm guessing he going to be working with us, but why the other two?"
"That's because, unfortunately, for various reasons, I only have five of you sitting here, and I need 8 people for a unit. So the three of us are going to make up the difference, at least to get us through the festival and awards season. Speaking of, all of you were taught and told to practice the steps for the Fake Id. Everyone on stage and let's run through it. And breathe. Without music and slow first. Y'all need to get a feel for the stage before we try this for real. We'll work out the transition from "Taste It" to it later too."
